Swerve @dactylic@firecow.cafe
another Swerve, Stray account for people who need more Swerve. Cult Aphorist.
I'm Cult Aphorist so let me know if you need anything pithily and enigmatically expressed
Planks litter the floor and keep streaming out of the sky for no reason. Sam Seaborne philosophically turns away and moons a clock. Annie Oakley, disgusted, just sits back and starts huffing her bag of used jewels IN REVERSE. Normal day, normal day.
The windows in this room don't open.
We seal it like the doom of a nation.
We seal it like honeycombs, like catacombs
circulating always the same air
The windows in this room are made of fear.
The one where Joey sees something that drives him to tear out his own eyes. Jealous of what he thinks is the new style, Ross also tears out his eyes.
Chandler loses his eyes in an unrelated series of events.
Dentist: "I'm seeing things I shouldn't see!"
Gift horse: "I fucking warned you, man"
All my toots are inspired by my credit card numbers and other personal information.
A beetle languidly follows the long shadow of a cactus as the sun rises over the plain. Another morning like every other morning. Perhaps today she will find a maggot. Perhaps not. Her thoughts are disturbed by something new: a rhythmic rumbling of the ground beneath her. It grows and deepens. In the distance something looms over the horizon against the magnificent fury of the sun's first rays. Who is that riding ever closer with a relentless hunger for justice? It's Spiderman with guns!
Picture this: Spiderman, shooting a gun.
Spiderman.... with guns
Gunslinging spiderman
Furious that Ozzie has stolen all his best cigars, George Burns rises, revealing at last his true godlike stature. Get him, George
Rock, Paper, Scissors is a variant form of chess, in which the moves are made without a board and without pieces and the game is over after one move
Ozzie Osborne's torso splitsinto three pieces and eight mechanical arms shot out, each of them to his embarrassment tightly gripping what is obviously a cigar, which is obviously "not a cigar."
Ozzie, stop projecting your dreams onto the holo-screen you sicko!
Rock, Paper, Scissors is a variant form of chess, in which the moves are made without a board and without pieces and the game is over after one move
The frog told everyone about what had happened but no one believed them. A human mother overheard the frog vociferously insisting to a fly (it eventually gave up and ate the fly), and she didn't believe it either, but later put it into a song she sang her child to sleep by, and the child believed it.
A frog sat by a riverbank, thinking hard as it looked through the ripples on the surface of the water. The thought it was after was under them, nestling among the gravel at the bottom. Just as the frog was thinking that it was time to go home, the water stopped and the thought rose up out of the water, shining clear as day! It expanded rapidly and soon occupied the whole sky and in fact was the sky. The frog blinked and wasn't sure anything had happened.
Then they heard the water start again.
Every one of these is Lifehacker: https://xkcd.com/1982/
For the last time, it's not a "new religion" and you can't "call popesies"
Ugh, I can't believe they're putting this on the new edition of Leaves of Grass.
Yarp
